A nocturnal sun

❤ Today after months of me leaving my previous job, here I am, thoughtless, depressed, aimless, keep trying myself to refrain from others. I don't know how but the behavior of people towards me changing drastically. Even the kins of mine avoid talking me. The worst part was that i had left my job three days earlier to my wedding. I had tons of thoughts for my wife and from my marriage. But as far as i can see from today for the last few months is only void. I can recall the older me ten years ago when my mother was alive, i lost her four years ago, i had always thought i am so important to everyone. I would wonder to provide lavish lifestyle to my family. A kind of utopia always revolved in mind always that nothing in this world against me. But the gravity of unfortune is profound for me that even the smallest thought of yielding anything will revert against me. I have started doubting myself that i will not able to do anything for me and my family. My father has got retired three years ago, only on the basis of his sons, but what is happening right now is that i am depressed sleeping all day, trying myself in all the possible area of employment form where i can generate money. But all the attempts are foiling, so am i. My brother is trying is level hard to fight with dues, EMIs and the all the financial labilities. 

Being a good child means always obeying your elders and keeping everyone happy. A sense of self doubt is always eminent in me. Before executing i would thought all the things will come under my Favour, but contradicting this all the outcomes always oppose my expectations. Being a benign individual, always thought of being a giver emerged in my at first place. But what is the worth of your scarifying everything for everyone. Will you get in return the same or half of what you given. My answer is not, not at all.